Monday, October 17, 2011

The Rules

George and I just hit our 4 month anniversary. No, not our 4 month wedding anniversary, but our 4 month anniversary of the first time we met. And a week before that we hit our 2 month wedding anniversary. When we talk about memories that we've made we're always like, uh were we just dating or were we engaged at that point? Then I thought, we can't remember because we dated for just under 3 weeks, and were engaged for like 4 weeks after that. It feels like so much longer. Feels like we've been a family forever. Our children bonded immediately, the girls went to camp right after he proposed and the bonding that happens at girls camp is so amazing, I remember the times I was camp leader and the connections and friendships made. The girls introduced each other as sisters and they've BEEN sisters since then. They text each other, they support one another, they protect and love each other and it's wonderful to see and feel.
I have a connection with the teenagers Camilla and Seritta.  George has a bond with 7 year old Vanessa. We both love them all but it seems that I've sorta claimed the older ones and he naturally babies the little one. The boys are just boys and we love them all the same :-)
So, back to my adorable husband. I swore when I moved here that I would never marry a Vernal boy. Ever. Because I didn't want to be stuck in this podunk town for the rest of my life and the chance that we were related was much too high. That was rule number one.
Rule number two was I would never marry an oilfield worker. There's so much porn and swearing and drugs and infidelity out there and I know the temptation is hard for men to resist. Also, there's the chance that they could leave for weeks at a time and that hurts the bond between husband and wife. I know this because my last husband would leave for weeks and I was pretty much a single mom with young kids. Raising kids alone wasn't as hard as missing my husband. So, oilfield worker was out.
Rule number three was nobody with kids. I get really attached to kids and if there's a breakup it destroys me. So, no dating anyone with kids because I wouldn't be able to let them go. That's hard to find in a Mormon town and I knew I'd be single until I was ready to go back to California. 
And rule number four. No talk of marriage until at least 6 months of dating.  I met my first husband four months before we married, my second..well... one date.  For reals.  I got my third ring less than two months after meeting and we broke up right after.  My fourth ring took only two months and we broke up six weeks later.  So... I've never had a serious relationship that lasted more that a few months until I either married them or we called the wedding off.  I never knew about the addictions, girlfriends, history, etc.
All of that was ruined with George. And I'm so glad. He was raised in Vernal, knew my whole family, and we went to the same ward. He was six years older (I've mentioned that) than me so I don't remember him but his sister lived next door too him, and her daughter (his neice) was one of my besties. We used to play barbies together and she was my boss at Ace Hardware a few years ago.  We chill at the Chinese restaurant from time to time and have girl bonding. Her son and my daughter were in 1st grade together and now go to the same middle school. So, since my family was raised in Jensen and his in Naples (like 5 miles apart) there was a risk we were related. He actually checked before our first date because he was also nervous about being related and although there were a few marriages between members of his family and mine, like cousins and second cousins, there was no blood relation. Rule number one, no marrying a Vernal boy, out the window.
Rule number two, no oilfield. Well this is an oilfield town and he works on a rig, one of the most dangerous oilfield jobs out there, but good money. He's so amazing and so into the gospel that he will never give into the temptations out there because he knows he always has the protection of the Lord and the Holy Ghost as long as he lives right, which he does. In fact it's just opposite. He's a good example to those around him and he knows it. There's stability in that he's been at the job a long time, there's peace in knowing he doesn't participate in "extra curricular" activities at the rigs. So, rule number two out the window as well.
Rule three. He had three kids. He had a teenage daughter, and I adore teenagers. That was probably the scariest part, because the bond I felt with his oldest daughter from day one was so strong and I knew I would be heartbroken if I fell in love with his kids. So out with rule three.
And rule number 4, a very important rule.  No engagement until at least 6 months of dating.  George and I met and married in 7 weeks.  I don't think I've said much about that time because I was so afraid he would leave me.  So afraid of the humiliation that comes with telling everyone I've met Prince Charming and that he and I will live happily ever after in his castle, only to turn around and tell them I was wrong once again and that Prince Charming is still in love with someone else, or that he has an addiction that is far more important to him than an eternity with me, or that he just doesn't love me enough.  That I simply wasn't good enough, spiritual enough, thin enough, calm enough, and that he couldn't handle who I was and am and will always be.
I finally found Prince Charming.  I kissed a lot of frogs to get to him and found a lot of heartache (and some happiness as well) along the way.  And we live happily ever after in his Castle, where he comes home to me every night and I know that to him I am good enough, spiritual enough, thin enough, calm enough, and that he can handle me.  And I know he's in love with me and only me and that nothing is more important to him than an eternity with me and our family.  He is everything to me.  I couldn't imagine life without him and I haven't even known him for six months, let alone dated for that long.  I can't imagine feeling like I have before where I knew I wasn't worthy of being loved or of feeling this kind of love for someone else.  I thought he was cute and fun and maybe acting a little more religious than he really was and probably playing up the wonderful family man, but we all try to show our best side at first, right?  Wrong.  He showed who he really is.  He loves his children, he loves his religion, he checks in on his mother and he lives a life I thought impossible for a man to live without a woman pushing him.
So, I'm finding that when I'm involving the Lord in my important decisions (which I didn't the first three times, not sure what happened with the fourth because I thought I was involving the Lord with him and actually recieving promptings and answers) that he will guide me in his own time.  I was praying about George before I even met him face to face.  I was getting a blessing right after and learning about him and praying like crazy.  He was fasting and praying 8 days after we met and found my ring on day 9.  I didn't expect this, I didn't expect him, and I didn't expect the Lord to answer my prayers, at least not so soon.  But he did.  And it was so right.  I have seen my testimony grow since I found George.  I've started to trust the Lord, to love myself, and to want to be a better me every day.
I now know that I can make as many rules as I want and map out my future perfectly, just the way I think my life should go.  But if the Lord has another plan and I listen to him, I will choose to live the life he has planned for me and understand that his plan is sometimes different than my plan.  And that's ok.


Tobey said...

I am so glad you found him. I know you were so scared about rushing into this relationship but so far so good. I hope to continue hearing all the good.
Don't give up though if there are a few hurtles.

Love SP

Me said...

Thank you for sharing. Amazing story.

saskia said...

Completely, totally, 100% get this :) cuz like I said, I knew Darby for two months :) and it was because God hit us both over a head with a frying pan- one of these days we'll visit, but I understand, I'm crazy busy to and with little babies that need naps I try to stay home because my days in town is so hard on them

saskia said...

are so hard on them, good grief I do NOT talk like I live in Vernal, that was a serious screw up typo- lol