Wednesday, May 30, 2012

One year. Wow!

Wow, it's been nearly 3 months since my last blog post.  I was once told by a friend that he knew someone whose activity online directly reflected her somewhat messed up relationship with her husband and that the more unhappy she was in her personal life, the more she looked for validation on the internet.  While that is not the case with my blog absence, I will say I find that the happier I am, the more I forget about my phone, facebook and blog.  So, in a nutshell I am happy.  So happy that sometimes it feels like I've borrowed someone else's life and I don't want to give it back :)
It's interesting that today is the day I finally took the time to blog, because today is one year from the day that I moved back from California. I moved home broken and full of heartache with two plans.  One was to stay single and trust no one for a long, long time.  The other was to elope with my former fiance and ask the Lord to make it work, even though he had already made it known that he disapproved.  I never thought that in less than two weeks I would meet the man I want to spend forever with, or that I would fall in love with him so fast and so deeply.  And I would have laughed if someone told me that I would marry him in 7 weeks.  And that he was one of the few people I know who center their lives around Christ completely and that he would become my hero.
My hero got his patriarchal blessing last week and I was able to be there with him.  I love taking these steps with him and I feel bad that I'm sort of grateful for his years of inactivity in the church so that I can be with him for his blessing, receiving the Melchizedek priesthood and his endowments.  The blessing was beautiful and the day he goes to the temple will be amazing because he's preparing himself and trusting in the Lord to get him to that day.
George baptized our little Vanessa on the 19th of this month.  It was incredible watching them together making a special memory that they will both cherish for the rest of their lives.  I love my crazy family so much!  Her grandpa Leo confirmed her and just as he started the blessing, Vanessa opened her eyes and looked at me through a little space between two of the men in the circle around her.  I mouthed "I love you" and smiled at her and she smiled and mouthed the words back to me.  At that moment my heart exploded!  These six kids are mine.  This family is mine.  And for some reason they know I'm theirs and they love me.  I am truly the most blessed woman in the world!  I hope someday I feel worthy to be their momma, but until that day I'll just be grateful that they keep me.