Monday, December 14, 2015

Let them struggle together

Last week, my daughter went through spinal fusion surgery and was in the hospital the entire week. It was definitely an experience we'll never forget. 
We left our other children together at home, being checked on and fed by grandma and our amazing neighbors, friends and family. It was so important to me that my children be together to prepare our house for the homecoming of their sister, to support one another and to pray together. 
Wednesday was definitely the hardest and most painful day for all of us. Cami was experiencing much physical pain and that caused a lot of heartache for the parents. 
On that very bad day, someone tried to take two of the kids under the guise that it would lessen the stress on the children.  I was hurt and angry. I shouldn't have been focusing on this drama but I felt as if I had abandoned my other children as I sat next to my daughter, who was sobbing in her hospital bed. I wondered if my husband should have stayed with them or if I didn't really know what I was doing at all and was putting them under too much stress. I suddenly questioned my choice to allow them to experience this. I even found myself on the phone with Child Services over the ordeal.
I don't write this in hopes of getting sympathy or attention. The purpose of this post is to offer my fellow scolio parents and anyone going through a major change involving their children a bit of advice and here it is:
If you have other children, let them stress. Let them worry.  Let them be strengthened by the weight of those burdens placed on the family and let them see blessings that come from working and praying for someone they love.
I watched my children carefully settle their sister in the house and it was a strength to me, as their mother.  Her brother, Dominick hasn't left his sisters side, even sleeping on the couch next to her.  I really believe that if they hadn't been there when she'd arrived home, he wouldn't feel such a connection.  They were there to show love and support and they were the first people she saw upon her arrival. 
If I can offer anything to those of you going through this, it's the reassurance that your family is strong enough to handle it. Let them be uncomfortable together so they can celebrate the successes after the pain.  Don't let anyone take the experience from them. Don't let anyone tell you that they can't handle the stress. 
Through this, many people told me "You can do hard things".   I learned  that was very true, but even better, I learned that together we can do even harder things. 💙