Kiddies

I am no longer Amber and Company, family of 4 without a daddy but WE are now Amber, George and company, family of 8 with both a mommy and a daddy and a dog named Jack.  So, now I think I will change my blog, play with it a little bit, and add pictures of my wonderful family.  I don't talk much about my children on here and I just noticed that as I was scrolling through past blog posts.  So... here's a little bio on each of my beautiful children:

Seritta Merrell was born August 15 1997, which makes her 14 as of this post. She is quiet, level headed, slow to anger, and just plain sweet. She is tall and beautiful with dark hair and hazel eyes and she takes after George's family when it comes to looks. We've been playing around with makeup (especially eyeliner) and with or without it, the child is lovely. Most importantly, she's been the mother of her father's house. Because of that she's learned patience and kindness and she is an amazing example of true charity. She scrapbooks, journals, talks about boys, takes care of younger siblings like a pro, and reads her scriptures often. I feel like I can relate to her on a level I never expected.

Camilla Jade Hall was born August 17 1998 and is 13. She is short and adorable, looks like me but has her aunt Hillary's cute pouty lips and chin. She has one of those faces that can pull of any look, but with her height (or lack thereof) she looks younger than she is. Throw some makeup on that girl and she suddenly becomes a teenager. Sometimes I look at her and my heart almost breaks at the thought of her in three years when she's 16 because she really does get more beautiful every year. She's so very kind hearted and joined me in donating ALL of her hair a few years ago for cancer victims. She gets her feelings hurt because she is so tender and would never intentionally hurt another person, therefore she has a hard time understanding. She wants to do what's right, loves her family and the gospel, and she is loved by everyone around her.

Jarom Chase Hall was born April 15 2000.  He's so very serious and cautious.  He is concerned about things around him, and worries about his family and friends.  He's smart.  Like, super smart.  He skipped a grade last year and caught up in about 6 months.  He has thoughts that are incredible, often too deep for me to understand.  He has dark hair and hazel eyes like his dad but he looks enough like me that people often say he takes after my side of the family, until they see him next to his daddy.  That child is the clone of his father, with a dash of Sadlier thrown in.  He's so sweet and sometimes has to fight back tears when he sees an injustice.  He's also a little small for his age but he makes up for it in his strong personality (ok, its more like attitude but whatever!).

Dominick Merrell was born April 29 2002 and he turned 9 this year.  He's ALL BOY.  He plays sports, farts, burps, shoots things like prairie dogs and dragonflies (really) and adores his dad.  He's the only blonde and I've been trying to decide who he looks like.  I have a picture of his dad at his age and he does look a lot like a Merrell but I can see some of his mothers side in him as well.  He is into sports and George is wonderful about helping with and going to games.

Adam Stanley Meager was born November 13 2002 and will be nine in a few months.  He is crazy, funny, carefree and intense!  When he's happy, he's hecka happy and when he's sad, the whole world is crashing down.  He's also very much a boy and he and Dominick are best friends.  He tells jokes and stories and loves to play with other people.  He looks like me, with dark hair and eyes and just enough of Steve to look like a Meager.  He's a crackup and sooooooooo fun to hang out with!

Vanessa Merrell is our baby, born March 2004.  She's a diva through and through.  She thinks she rules the house, and she sorta does.  She has lots of attitude and personality and pretty much gets whatever she wants because she's so headstrong.  I fear we may have some clashing with her soon, simply because she's used to ruling the roost, and thats now my job!  I love Vanessa so much for who she is, probably because she's so much like me.  She looks just like her mother with dark hair and eyes, but she loves her daddy.  She and I look enough alike that she could pass for mine easily, and we love each other just like she was born mine.  She can kick her brothers butt when it comes to wrestling, but she pouts and bats her eyes like any princess, which is what George calls her.  Click here to read another post about Vanessa.

I would love to elaborate on the children as a family, and not just individually but I am out of time today.  I must go get my boy from school and pretend to clean my home.  I will just say I love these children and I'm so very happy that I get to mother them :-)

Adjustments

My new life has begun :)  I anticipated happily ever after from the start.  For the first time, I did it right.  I married a man who reads his scriptures daily, reminds us to have family prayer, and never forgets his personal prayers every night.  A man who loves the Lord, loves me, loves our family, and wants to do whats right.  But.... it wasn't happily ever after from the start.  It was a power struggle from day one.  Both of us having been single for a while, him almost 3 years and me a year and a half, with him living the bachelor life for two weeks and stay at home daddy for two weeks, spending his money where he pleased (Basin Sports for hunting stuff.... like hundreds maybe thousands of dollars.  For reals) and me living the typical single mother of 3 life, working one job 4 days a week, another 7 days.  They weren't the hardest jobs, but they were an emotional strain and several days a week I wasn't home until 6 p.m.  I was dancing and partying on weekends, attached to an on-call phone every day and the clubhouse every night, and spending my money on my children but allowing myself the luxuries of shopping, manicures, and chocolate when I needed "therapy".
Suddenly I am a stay at home mother of six two weeks out of the month and a stay at home mother of one the other two weeks of the month.  I have my sisters children 4 days of the week... so I am surrounded by kids... which is fine.  But I have a man here and we both are used to having our way.  It's hard for me to be the wife and mommy and give up the dancing, the manicures, the new heels every month and the freedom of doing what I want when I want.  So yesterday I decided I won't.  We've had tension because I've felt like I must be the martyr, giving up the things I want because I now have responsibilities as a wife and mother and my identity was changing, I was no longer independent Amber, mother of three, wife of none but not unwanted, owner of everything I wanted from men, ruler of my own house and my own life.  I realize now I don't have to lose myself in this man who loves me.  He doesn't expect me to become what he wants, because he fell in love with me, with who I am and not with who he wants me to be.  He wants me to be me and I will be just that.  I can't go back to the wife and homeschool mother I was in my last marriage, because it was never me.  I just thought it was.
And now, since I've decided to be me, to spend the time and money I need to keep up my high maintenance life, we are happy :-)  I am happy and because I am happy he is happy because he loves me and thats what he wants, is happiness. 

I love him so much, I love who he is, what he stands for, what he believes and what he has planned for us and for eternity.  So, I've been married a day short of 3 weeks and I realize that I am so in love that I trust him enough to be myself and to let him see me for me, and not the typical Mormon wife I thought I should be.  Knowing he loves me, and knowing I love him and that together we love our children, I am so completely happy.  I truly love my life... and it doesn't mean I don't miss my old life or that I don't have adjustments, but I do truly love my life.